Cast Iron Ceiling

A term that pops up a lot in psychology, and on the modern self help circuit, is the idea of “limiting beliefs”. I would bet that many people haven’t heard the term, but are all too familiar with the feeling. A limiting belief is an idea or notion we have about ourselves that we are incapable of certain feats, or that our progress in any area has a set barrier somewhere down the line. 

These limiting beliefs don’t just appear, they are forged over time. They come from our environments, our upbringings and our general experiences. In many cases, limiting beliefs can be passed down through family, unbeknownst to the people involved. We see these beliefs as gospel and don’t even bother to question them. 

I’ll give you an example. Let’s say you take two people of equal intelligence, same gender, similar physical health and characteristics, born in the same area, etc. On paper, they’re almost identical. 

Now let’s assume that one of them grew up with endless encouragement to try new things. They may not have necessarily succeeded in every one of these endeavours, but they were always encouraged to try, and failure was never a big deal. This person may have tried to play a few musical instruments, or taken up a few different sports throughout their teenage years. They may have enjoyed playing guitar, but also discovered that they were cursed with two left feet. They may have developed a great golf swing, but a few karaoke appearances proved that they were no Shania Twain. Nevertheless, every new experience could be embraced with a sense of fearlessness and nonchalance, since this person was never forced to believe that failure was a bad thing. 

Now let’s examine our second individual. They may have wanted to try several new things growing up, but they were discouraged at the first sign of failure. They were jeered by friends when they tried to take up kickboxing. Their claim that they would love to run a marathon was met by rolling eyes from friends and family. Every new endeavour was discouraged, and unless they showed immediate flair in an area, they were made to believe that it was a waste of time. This second individual developed a chronic fear of failure, became a perfectionist, believing that anything short of brilliant is a laughing stock.

Despite having similar abilities, these two people are on track to live very different lives. The first person will approach learning curves, new challenges and setbacks with an empowering element of “fuck it, if I fail, I fail”. With this freeing attitude, this person can embark on learning new skills with the belief that it’s perfectly ok to be a beginner. They can attend job interviews for positions far beyond their experience, because they think “fuck it, I might be in with a shot”. The absence of “fear of failure” means that no setback can rattle them. Our second friend is in for a rough ride. Unless they tackle their limiting belief that “failure is the end of the world”, and that “they must stick to what I know”, they will forever have a ceiling on their potential. 

The saddest part is that so many people go through life in the same shoes as our second friend here, and they don’t even realise it. But I promise you, these beliefs are not concrete. The science of neuroplasticity shows us, put simply, that if we consciously tackle our negative thought patterns, we can remove them over time and replace them with a more empowering inner dialogue. Here’s how.

Take a sheet of paper.

Write down every negative or limiting belief you have about yourself. This is not an exhaustive list. Possible popular entries might include:

“I am lazy”
“I can’t save money”
“I’m so unorganised”
“I don’t think I should go for this promotion”
“I’m not good enough”

For every limiting belief you think of, write down one thing you have done that counteracts that belief.

For example:

Limiting Belief – I’ll never finish my degree.
Counter Argument – I passed all of my exams last semester

Limiting Belief – I’m so unorganised
Counter Argument – I sorted out my wardrobe last week

And if it’s a case that you don’t currently have a counter argument for your limiting belief, then go and do something right this moment that will counteract the belief.

Limiting Belief – I buy too many takeaways
Counter Action – Delete the Just Eat app right this second

Every action, every word and every thought we have which counteracts these limiting beliefs will bring us one step closer to being free of them. The examples I’ve used here are quite surface level and trivial, but you can apply this principle to the deepest, darkest limiting beliefs you may have, beliefs born from things like childhood trauma. The brain can be rewired in ways that you would not believe. 

I promise you, I have had to face some paralysing limiting beliefs in my young life. Through counselling, conscious action, and positive affirmations (more on this later) I have managed to overcome them, but here’s the kicker – I couldn’t tackle the problems until I first identified them.

There is a life beyond your limiting beliefs my friends, live a little.

See you next week,

Conor